Do you ever get discouraged? Think about giving up? Ever had an idea that seemed so right, but everyone else thought it was nonsense, and so you just dropped it? Ever felt kicked in the teeth? Ever felt you’re too far out on that limb?
Well, friend, you’re not alone. Almost everyone has a great story about how they were put down or mocked, and in the end, they triumphed. (When I left The Arizona Republic in 1978, a friend told me, in front of an entire crowd, “You’ve ruined your life!”)
History is filled with examples of wet-towel responses. For every wise and sage utterance, I’m betting there are at least two foolish remarks. Some are sad, some are outlandish, and some are just plain funny, considering how things ultimately turned out.
This time of year, when you’ve just about had it with Arizona’s summer heat, it’s easy to get discouraged while trying to make it through the day.
So, this seems like the perfect time for a giggle – as a way of improving the collective mental health of Arizona – and my offering is this motley collection of reminders that sometimes, in fact, you are hanging out on the right limb.

“Ours has been the first, and will doubtless be the last, to visit this profitless locality.” Those narrow-minded words were spoken in 1861 by Lieutenant Joseph Ives, in an official report about the Grand Canyon.
Marilyn Monroe was once told by a modeling agency: “You’d better learn secretarial work or else get married.”
Charles H. Duell was the commissioner of patents for the United States in 1899, and I’m not sure how he got the job (he had to be somebody’s brother-in-law or something), but here was his take on inventions: “Everything that can be invented has been invented.”
“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.” Those are the words of a Yale University professor responding to student Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Fred Smith went on to found Federal Express.
The founder of Warner Brothers was quite certain of himself in 1927 when he declared: “Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?”
Just as certain was Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., who, in 1977, said: “There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.”
The New York Times may be the nation’s “paper of record,” but it’s not always on top of things, as evidenced by this 1939 pronouncement: “The problem with television is that the people must sit and keep their eyes glued to a screen… the average American family hasn’t time for it.”
Rudyard Kipling got a stinging rebuke from the San Francisco Examiner in 1889: “I’m sorry, Mr. Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language.”
And do you think Elvis Presley got discouraged when he was fired in 1954 from the Grand Ole Opry, after just one performance? Here was his rebuke: “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.” Or did Mick Jagger feel like throwing in the towel when the new manager of the Rolling Stones declared in 1963: “The singer will have to go.” We know the Beatles didn’t listen when Decca Recording Co. rejected their demo in 1962. Those geniuses declared: “We don’t like their sound. Groups with guitars are on the way out.”
And one of the most gleeful stories comes from Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple Computer: “So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, it’s even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said, ‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.'”
If you’re having a bad day, just be thankful you weren’t the boob who wrote this internal memo to Western Union in 1876: “This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.”
Or the men who, in 1859, declared: “Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy.”
And then there’s General John B. Sedgwick, a Union commander at the battle of Spotsylvania in 1864. His last words were: “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist….”

I have to say this for country music – nobody expresses disappointment and discouragement better. It’s not sophisticated, it’s not sensitive, and it’s certainly not subtle.
A couple of years ago, I found a list of the “Worst Country Song Titles of all Time Until the Next Time.”
Apparently, this is an annual offering by Columbus Dispatch columnist Mike Harden, who has spent years, according to The New York Times, collecting his list. (The Times, being kind of cute, heralded this effort in honor of Valentine’s Day.)
I’ve saved the list because I’ve found that no matter how down I get, or how discouraged I feel, or how disappointed I am, I can’t get through it without laughing out loud.
So, maybe it could be helpful to you, too. Or maybe inspire your own country song, like Fax Me the Pain, my friend Dave’s would-be-a-hit-if-he-ever-wrote-it.
It sounds like a classic. And so are some of these, which have already been written:

• I’ve Been Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart
• How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody but Me?
• My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus
• My Wife Ran off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him
• I’d Rather Pass Another Kidney Stone Than Another Night With You
• I Got You on My Conscience but at Least You’re Off My Back
• If the Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me
• I’ve Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral
• You Done Tore My Heart Out and Stomped That Sucker Flat
• How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Go Away?
• I Bought the Shoes That Just Walked Out on Me
• Let’s Do Something Cheap and Superficial
• I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, but I Couldn’t Spell Yuck!
• I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
• I Got Tears in My Ears From Lying on My Bed Crying on My Pillow Over You
• Here’s a Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
• You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
• She’s Only Been Gone Seven Days and Already it Seems Like a Week

Of course, it’s only fair that I also remind you of some well-known sentiments that can help get you through the rough times.
Some are just plain practical, like Sir Winston Churchill’s advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” (Words that seem particularly apropos right now in Arizona’s summer heat.)
And some are stubbornly refreshing, like Thomas Edison’s outlook: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
And I personally love the thought that “Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backward and in heels.”
And remember what Janis Joplin said: “Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.”
And then there’s Arizona’s own Erma Bombeck, rest her soul, who vowed: “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.'”
And Abigail Van Buren said: “The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”
And, if all else fails, don’t forget the words of Calvin Coolidge: “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not… genius will not… education will not… persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”
I hope that some of this helps you the next time you’re feeling discouraged. Or maybe when the limb starts to break.