If I Were Queen

You know, this started out as a joke nearly a decade ago when I decided not to make New Year’s resolutions for myself but make them for everyone else. Like all despots, I thought I deserved the job because I’d be fair, understanding, humane and generous. I know, the flaw is that I judge all those things by my standards, not anyone else’s. But I do admit it is enticing to think of waving a magic wand and correcting Arizona’s mistakes.

So indulge me for another year, because this is my minute to be Queen.

If I were Queen, the first thing I would do is enact the DREAM Act, which would open the doors to higher education and citizenship for children who were brought to this country illegally.

As Queen, I must ask why we punish children who had no say in where their parents took them but who have grown up in this country, stayed out of trouble, gone through high school – often with outstanding grades – and been model citizens. These youngsters have been here 15, 20, 25 years, but now they are judged as unworthy because their parents entered the country illegally. What kind of heartless ogres would say these innocents in the immigration debate should be punished for crimes they didn’t commit?

Unfortunately, those heartless ogres include the voters of Arizona, who passed Proposition 300, which says these kids can no longer receive in-state tuition in Arizona, even if they’ve gotten their entire elementary and high school education in this state. They also have no vehicle to ever become American citizens, because their parents are illegal. How can that possibly be considered fair?

Of course it isn’t, but then, the immigration debate has disintegrated from any discussion of fairness to gross discussions of wholesale deportations.

Some politicians, both in Arizona and elsewhere, have decided their political fortunes hang on fueling the culture of fear that’s been rampant in this country since 9-11. So they’ve dished out incredible amounts of misinformation, mischaracterization and malice. Almost overnight, they’ve taken the people who have lived next to us for decades and made them all criminals or terrorists. Come on. We have co-existed for decades, but now there is no attempt to think about co-existence.

This hysteria has got to stop, and one way to stop it is for Congress to pass the DREAM Act. The Senate fell just eight votes short this year: Jon Kyl voted no; John McCain was too busy running for president and didn’t vote. But even if Congress fell on its face, there is still hope, even in Arizona. Private citizens and foundations are helping these students raise the money they need to pay out-of-state tuition at our colleges and universities. Some have sent $10, others $50,000. These donors know it isn’t right that we’re denying education to students who want it and deserve it. As Queen, I’d open Arizona’s eyes to this colossal injustice and make the DREAM Act come true.

If I were Queen, I’d make sure the courageous Phoenix New Times stance against judicial bullying and abuse of power led to a complete investigation of Sheriff Joe Arpaio, County Attorney Andrew Thomas and Thomas’ “pit bull,” as The Arizona Republic refers to attorney Dennis Wilenchik. This isn’t the first time Arpaio has gone after media critics, and it isn’t the first time Thomas’ office has been accused of reckless and abusive attacks, and there’s plenty of questions about how Wilenchik – once Thomas’ boss – got $2 million worth of work from county taxpayers once his ol’ pal became county attorney. That’s particularly suspicious because Wilenchik specialized in construction disputes before this, but under Thomas was handling major criminal and civil cases. Oh yes, there are enough questions here to launch a State Bar investigation, which I’m happy to report is underway. As Queen, I’d see that we uncover everything.

If I were Queen, I’d find a new Downtown warehouse for The Friends of the Phoenix Public Library. This marvelous organization – OK, I’m a member of the board – helps raise money for library programs and sells books at ridiculously low prices in our quest to put more books into more hands. Currently, our warehouse is off McDowell and 29th Avenue, but some of us believe even more people would find us if we were more centrally located. We need from 16,000 to 20,000 square feet to house our half-million books, which we sell for pennies up to a buck or two at three big sales every year in January, April and October.

If I were Queen, I’d create a special award for Marty Schultz, who truly embodies what the term “community spirit” means. I’ve known him since we were both puppies at City Hall – he was working for the city, I was covering it for The Republic – and I’ve watched him over all these years give countless hours and time to one community need after another. The new campus for the homeless? He did that. The new push to consolidate school districts? He’s heading that commission. New roads? Call Marty to lead the committee.

Marty and I don’t always agree; he thinks I’m nuts to propose that we should stop building roads that encourage more growth in the desert. But I admire his dedication to this community. (And did I mention his wife, Linda, is a saint?) Thanks for all you’ve done for us all these years.

If I were Queen, I’d fix Cox Cable. Tell me why every major city in this country – as well as every hotel room anywhere – has On Demand movies but Phoenix doesn’t. Aren’t we the fifth largest city? How did we get cheated out of this option? We don’t even have much in the way of Pay-Per-View, only three or four movies at any given time. What we do get from Cox is a whole roster of X-rated movies where our On Demand or Pay-Per-View should be. I don’t care if people want to rent porno films, but come on, Phoenix can’t possibly be that sex-starved. The people with Cox keep telling me we’ll get On Demand someday, but they’re always vague about it, and if I were Queen, they’d plug it in today.

If I were Queen, I’d make Arizona the solar capital of America. This one is such a no-brainer that it’s almost too obvious to mention. But since it has seemed to elude us all these years, I’ll mention it. Let’s start by recognizing that three of the five sunniest cities in the nation are all in Arizona – Yuma, Phoenix and Tucson. If you add Flagstaff, which ranks ninth, then four of the top 10 are here. So why aren’t we already the solar capital? Because we haven’t had the leadership to get us there. But things have started to move in that direction and, as Queen, I’d make it happen. The state Department of Commerce and the Arizona Corporation Commission are on board. The first has completed a report that shows Arizona how to do it; the second has greatly raised the requirements for Arizona utility companies to produce power from solar and other renewable sources. And public opinion polls in Arizona say people are willing to pay more for solar. Let’s up the government subsidies and incentives for solar. Listen, if the feds can give huge tax breaks to buy big, oil-guzzling SUVs, imagine what would happen if they gave tax breaks for something good for a change?

If I were Queen, I’d share the goodies of Girl Scout cookies. Did you know that you can order these cookies from your neighborhood Girl Scout and donate them to charity? Just place a regular order but tell your Girl Scout you want those boxes donated to domestic violence shelters and homeless centers so others can have a treat, too. It’s not only good for the community, it’s good for your waistline!

Here’s hoping 2008 is a great New Year.