If I were Queen of Arizona

I know, it’s a horrifying thought, but it’s that time of year again, when I make my personal resolutions for my beloved state.

Pompous? You’re right. Arrogant? Absolutely. Almost anywhere else I wouldn’t dare to be so bold. But I figure that in Arizona, where we’ve had more than our share of questionable leaders…well, I couldn’t make things any worse, and maybe some common sense ideas might even help.

So remaining fearless and letting the slings and arrows roll off my back, I bring you my annual list of things I’d fix if, for some unimaginable reason, I was given the power to rule Arizona.

*I’d never have allowed the Catholic Diocese of Phoenix to tear down St. Mary’s Elementary School on Van Buren, and I don’t care what almighty they think they have in their corner. That historic building deserved to either be restored or saved and I found the church’s arrogant attitude-“it’s our building and we’ll do what we want, na-na-na-na-na.”-sickening.

*I’d never allow our universities to lose Noble Prize-winning professors. In 2001, after 26 years of struggling, University of Arizona professor Vernon Smith left the school to take a job at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va. In 2002, he took home the world’s top prize in economics. Professor Smith said he left Arizona because he was tired of a lack of state financial support. He’s one of about 1,000 professors from the state’s three universities that have skedaddled to places where funding of universities is a state priority. If we don’t fix this, we might as well pack it in.

*I would never have allowed that Osco Drugstore to be built at McDowell and Central, across the street from the gorgeous new Phoenix Art Museum. This is the middle of the ART’s DISTRICT, folks, and they’re plopping in a box with its butt end facing central. I’ll never step foot in the place as my personal protest for them building where they didn’t belong.

*I would invite Pavaratti to sing in Arizona every single year because if you experienced his fabulous concert last year-accompanied by the great skills of our very own Phoenix Symphony Orchestra-you’d know what a thrill it is. And while we’re at it, I’d treat the Symphony a lot better than it’s being treated by its management, which doesn’t pay musicians enough, cuts their pay whenever it can, and acts as though they should be thankful for whatever crumbs are thrown their way. To borrow from Oscar Wilde, “If that’s the way you’re going to treat a symphony, you don’t deserve to have one.”

*I’d encourage everyone in the state to attend the candlelight dedication of the International Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence Memorial in Steele Indian School Park at 5 p.m. on April 26. Listen to what this memorial means: “It is a tangible message that the campaign against sexual abuse and domestic violence has been formally declared and that its veterans, victims and survivors are no less regarded than those of other campaigns against evil.” This fabulous idea was born three generations ago by Nana Buckley, who passed it on to her daughter, Margaret Buckley Jones, who passed it on to her daughter, Dr. Maureen Jones-Ryan. Maureen is the executive director of the Sexual Assault Recovery Institute in Phoenix. The ceremony on April 26 will include a performance by the Phoenix Boys Choir. The park is at Indian School and Third St. If you want to help, call 602-235-9345.

*Even if I ruled Arizona, I wouldn’t pretend to know the answer to the immigration problem, but I do know that I wouldn’t let 320 dead go unnoticed. At press time, that was the number of deaths of illegal immigrants who died in 2002 trying to cross the desert into Arizona to find work. Thank the Lord some church groups have put water tanks out in the desert to help-even though they were roundly criticized in some circles. How many more have to die before we realize we have to reexamine our immigration policies?

*I’d never allow America’s Native Tribes to be rooked out of that billions that are due them-through the federal government’s mismanagement of trust lands held for Indians. You thought Enron was bad? The feds have done a lousy job accounting for trust land payments and Arizona’s own Sen. John McCain is right in there, fighting to make it right. It’s such a mess that I can offer a simple solution: stop treating the tribes like stupid children, and let them manage their own affairs. Abolish the Bureau of Indian Affairs.

*I’d have all the libraries in Arizona follow the lead of the Burton Barr Central Library in Phoenix, which created a runaway hit when it opened a section just for teens. Teen Central has become one of the most popular spots in the library. Imagine that-teens anxious to be inside a library. It’s a very good thing.

*I’d look real kindly on City Councilmember Phil Gordon, who I hear wants to be Mayor Phil Gordon. He’s been working in the trenches of this city for a couple decades and has proven himself a true friend of local neighborhoods. If he decides to run, he has my vote.

*I’d get real nasty with folks who tried to defraud the state over the alt-fuels case-you remember, when the Legislature and governor didn’t bother reading a bill they all approved that offered CHEAP TRUCKS to anyone who claimed to be using alternative fuels. At one time, we thought this fiasco would cost Arizona taxpayers $682 million. I think we’re down to about a third of that now, but we’re still throwing away $200 million, Isn’t that nice. There have been some indictments charging folks with attempted fraud and money laundering and if they’re guilty, I hope the court is real severe in its punishment.

*I’d encourage everyone to help out on the 10th annual Serve-A-Thon on Saturday, March 29th. This is when Make A Difference does it again, bringing together thousands of corporate, civic and individual volunteers for a day of hands-on community service projects: Cleaning up neighborhoods, painting murals, renovating homes for low-income seniors, fixing up domestic shelters, planting gardens, building an adoption area for an animal shelter….They need lots of help and personal reward of knowing you’ve make this a better place are immeasurable. Call 602-973-2212 to get involved.

*I’d decree that you can’t call yourself a “patriotic American” unless you vote! I’m sick and tired of seeing American flags plastered on bumpers when I know that less than 50 percent of the people eligible to vote are even registered, and of those registered, only 20 percent voted in last fall’s primary. The real signal of an American patriot is that “I Voted Today” sticker you wear out of the polling place.

*I’d demand the Arizona delegation in Congress got on board to get us federal money for the light rail system that voters have approved. So far, only Democrat Ed Pastor has front and center, and thanks to him, we at least have some transit money. All the others have taken a powder. These are the same guys who just asked for your vote to send them back to Congress so they can do what their constituents want. HELLO, YOUR CONSTITUENTS WANT LIGHT RAIL. . That’s why they voted for it. Now get busy.

*I’d devise a special punishment for everyone who aired nasty commercials in the last election. For instance, I’d mimic the torture in A Clockwork Orange by propping open Dick Mahoney’s eyelids with toothpicks, and then force him to watch endless campaign speeches by Janet Napolitano and Matt Salmon.
After that, I’d make Matt Salmon buy a billboard at Central and Indian School that reads: “I lied about Janet.” He mischaracterized
her record all over the place , but most egregious was his last-minute hit piece claiming she “took $1 million of taxpayer’s money” for her campaign, never mentioning that every cent was Clean Election money that voters had approved.

*I would never have allowed the Republican Party to depose the single smartest person in the Legislature. But that’s what happened when Senator Sue Gerard was defeated in the Republican Primary last fall. That was a sad day for Arizona. I don’t know what the good lady will do next, but you can bet that whatever it is, it will be done with class.

*I’d stop the senseless killing of tens of thousands of dogs and cats every year by making everyone a responsible pet owner that spays and neuters their companion animals. Concerned Citizens for Animal Welfare have launched an information program to help prevent the slaughter of animals who die simply because there are no homes for them.

*I’d balance the state budget by closing corporate loopholes, consolidating agencies where possible and raising taxes. In my opinion, we’re in this mess because of constant tax cuts we couldn’t afford. So now, we have low taxes and are facing the prospect of cutting education some more, not having patrol officers on the streets, eliminating money-making agencies like tourism, wiping out advances for the elderly and mentally ill and closing several of our state parks. Yeah, this is a great way to attract new business. Come on, Arizona, wake up!