If I Were Queen of Arizona

OK, I’m not a poet, and I’m not the Queen of Arizona, but that hasn’t stopped me all these years from devoting my January column to my dreams for this wild, wonderful and mixed-up state.
Each year as I review the piles of newspaper stories I’ve torn out of the paper, and notes I’ve jotted down somewhere along the road, I’m struck by how many things need fixing. Some issues show up year after year, as though we’re too stubborn to really fix the problem. But then, just as I’m feeling discouraged, I start finding all those incredible things that remind me why Arizona is such a great place to live – the acts of kindness and insight and human warmth that renew our faith in each other.
So, take a fantasy trip with me and I’ll show you how I’d fix things if I were queen.

• I’d end human trafficking by supporting our Republican Congressmen who are pushing for a guest worker bill in the U.S. Congress. If you haven’t been moved by the horrible death toll of the hundreds who died in the desert trying to sneak into this country to work, then how about the smugglers’ gun battle on 1-10 in November that could have killed far more than the four who died?

If we allowed people to come here to work under a federal program – rather than making them risk their lives to find work to feed their families – we’d eliminate the “coyotes” who are trafficking in desperate human beings. Senator John McCain and Representatives Jim Kolbe and Jeff Flake have sponsored the guest worker bill, and it has the support of Democratic Governor Janet Napolitano. It’s a very good idea, a “win-win” as they say: America gets the workers it needs, and workers from Mexico get the jobs they need to support their families.
And while I was at it, I’d expose the “Protect Arizona Now” campaign as a misguided example of intolerance. It’s spreading lies about immigration – claiming undocumented workers are getting to vote when they know that’s ridiculous; claiming they’re getting welfare when they know they can’t; claiming they “don’t pay taxes” when a federal study shows they pay $133 billion in federal, state and local taxes annually!
The leaders of this movement – all children of immigrants themselves – are trying to block immigration from Mexico, period. I think they’re just plain wrong. But their drive is giving comfort and encouragement to the white supremacy groups that are moving into Arizona in record numbers, according to Phoenix police. If I were queen, I’d kick those hate groups out of Arizona so fast, they wouldn’t know what hit them.

•  I’d encourage everyone to take a ride on the Verde Canyon Railroad out of Clarkdale. It offers one of the most beautiful views of Arizona you’ll ever see. Take a picnic or splurge for the first-class cars with appetizers and drinks. However you go, this four-hour train ride takes you through a piece of “natural Arizona” that will take your breath away. Besides, the crew is a delight and will help make your trip extra special. For information, call 800-320-0718.

•  I’d have more girls like Jonnie and Brookie Allen of Gilbert, who at 11 and 9 years of age have been busy over the last six years – they’ve already written three books, produced two musical CDs and raised more than $6,000 for charities. They’ve bought shoes for homeless kids, sent care packages to U.S. soldiers in Iraq, and helped Iraqi children. They say they got their charitable idea watching a show on Nickelodeon, and then got great support from their sister and mother. Brookie says it makes them “real happy to get to help others,” and it makes me real happy to know there are girls like that – and families like theirs. Their books and CDs are available at Amazon.com or jonnieandbrookie.com.

•  I’d do something nice for companies like Southwest Gas and Phelps Dodge – companies that came through for the children of Arizona. One of Governor Napolitano’s campaign promises was to give a book to every first-grader in the state – just a gimmick, her critics charged at the time – but she found “partners” in the two companies, which picked up the $150,000 tab for the 80,000 books that were distributed throughout the state last fall. For many of those children, it was the first book they’d ever owned. Governor, if you have any more “gimmicks” like this in mind, please feel free to let us all know.

•  I’d clean up the “free market” system that has been co-opted by greedy guys – notice I didn’t say greedy white men, which I could have, but I stifled myself. As we’ve watched major corporations and now the mutual fund industry dissolve into scandal, we’ve seen the very foundation of our economic system shaken. Must we be reminded that a free market only works if we play fair? I guess we do, since big business hasn’t been playing fair and the government regulators that are supposed to keep them honest have proved ineffective, if awake at all. Someday, history will show that the real criminals of this era are the businessmen who ransacked America’s free market system. These guys belong in our prisons – after we take back the money they’ve stolen.

• I’d never have paid former Maricopa Community College Chancellor Fred Gaskin, who was fired, more than $325,000 to settle his employment contract – he was fired for “unprofessional and inappropriate personal conduct, especially with regard to women employees.” The school board said the six-figure number was a “settlement,” and if they’d had to pay every cent of his contract, it would have been double that. Why aren’t our school boards smart enough to have contracts that read: “We fire you and you’re toast, baby.” Instead, we play nice with guys we show to the door. Our current system makes sense only if you’re “one of the guys,” I guess.

• I’d give Steve Benson another Pulitzer Prize for his courageous cartoons in The Arizona Republic against the insanity of the quagmire that is Iraq. He stood up against his own editorial pages to oppose, first the war, and now the “corruption, favoritism, waste, fraud and overcharging” by American corporations with suspicious ties to the Bush Administration. (If it hadn’t once been headed by Vice President Dick Cheney, would Halliburton be getting all those government contracts without public bidding?)

•  I’d make Phoenix and Prescott stop competing with their Christmas events, which now are both scheduled for the first weekend of December. Prescott has its Courthouse Lighting ceremony the first Saturday of December – following a delightful Children’s Parade that afternoon – while on the same night Phoenix is doing its Festival of Lights. Let me give everyone a hint: If these events were on separate weekends, I’m betting lots of folks would take both of them in, and I think it would be good for businesses in both Phoenix and Prescott. As it is, you now have to choose, and I have, for more than a decade now, chosen Prescott’s wonderful event. (Sorry Phoenix.) And speaking of the holidays, I’d inspire everyone in Arizona to remember the wonderful events offered by Desert Botanical Garden, which has a breathtaking luminarias festival, and the Phoenix Zoo, whose Zoolights is a total delight.

•  I’d require the Bush Administration and Congress to pay the incredible costs of airport security that they’re demanding as part of “homeland security.” Phoenix officials are joined by angry voices across America as cities are being forced to cut services and programs to pay for the mandated security measures that come with no financial help. So, if I’ve got this right, we can’t afford any federal programs because we’re spending $87 billion to rebuild Iraq, and we can’t afford any local programs because cities are forced to spend billions on airport security. So tell me, who’s winning? Certainly not Americans.

•  I’d give more Arizonans the health and heart of 96-year-old Roselyn Goodell of Phoenix, who recently won an Ageless Heroes Award, given by Blue Cross Blue Shield of Arizona and The Arizona Republic. Roselyn won in the “community involvement” category because she’s still volunteering! You’ll find her most days visiting, singing and dancing with the residents at the Kivel Care Center Nursing Home, where some of the residents are younger than their visiting volunteer.I’d eliminate the palm trees on Central Avenue, which will have to be removed for installation of our light-rail system and would cost $3,000 each to replant once the transit system is in. (Total cost would be $330,000.) Let me stress that this is happening in my own neighborhood, so I’m more than casually interested. I understand that some think the palms are stately, beautiful and historic. But to me, they’ve always resembled towering phallic symbols. Palms are not a pretty tree and they provide absolutely no shade. Besides, the only bird they attract is pigeons, and if you don’t know how messy those guys are, you’ve never had to live around pigeons. We need trees along Central, but there are so many other lovely varieties that would give us beauty, shade and cleaner birds, and wouldn’t cost anywhere near the outrageous price of the palms.

•  I’d inspire everyone in Arizona to attend a concert of the Orpheus Male Chorus, which is celebrating its 75th season this year. This wonderful choir is worth a listen and will instantly let you know why they’ve lasted and thrived all these years. Their next concerts are at 7:30 p.m., April 16, at Camelback Bible Church, 3900 E. Stanford Drive in Paradise Valley; and 3 p.m., April 18, at Faith Lutheran Church, 801 E. Camelback Road in Phoenix.

•  I’d assure that all of Governor Napolitano’s appointments are as wise as naming Lorraine Frank to the Arizona Board of Regents. As everyone who knows Lorraine will predict, she’s going to do a wonderful job.

• I’d give a special award to the Glendale High School Interact Club, which, for two years now, has donated thousands of clothing items to hundreds of needy families on “National Make a Difference Day” in October. Hundreds of families have received clothing they need because these kids care.

• I’d eliminate the Valley’s dubious distinction awards, which include the fact that Arizona’s capital city and its neighbors are No. 1 in the nation in red-light running (and its subsequent death toll); No. 1 in high-school dropouts; No. 1 in stolen cars; and No. 1 in the percentage of children without health care.

• I’d stop domestic violence. This problem only seems to be getting worse – only 15 percent of those seeking help can find an empty bed in all of our domestic shelters! We cannot allow all those other women and children to be left out in the cold. Some think the answer is to build more beds, and I agree that’s one part of the solution. But, obviously, our courts are not tough enough on these abusers to stop them from their vicious acts. I’d make punishment for the crime so severe, we’d put these losers away where they belong.

• I’d give the Arizona Legislature a soul so it could face the tough issues with more than a “we must cut the program” mentality. There are too many folks in office who want to “starve the beast,” or paralyze government by tax cuts and red tape. (Republic columnist Jon Talton calls them the “Kookocracy,” and I think he’s right.) Nobody wants to pay excessive taxes, but we’re not talking frivolous things here, we’re talking basic needs that must be met. Too bad so few of our 90 lawmakers know that. Thank the Lord Governor Napolitano does.

• I’d give the teachers of Arizona a massive pay raise so they’d no longer be among the very worst paid in the nation – and also to show them that, indeed, we value their incredible work to educate our children. I’d also assure that schools had money for supplies and books, so teachers would no longer be spending money out of their own pockets for these expenses – yes, it happens in every single school in the state, often in many classrooms. Arizona should be ashamed of itself for this pathetic situation.

As you can see, we’ve got a lot of work to do, so get out there and do something to make this a better place to live. Happy New Year.